Exhibit A – I had a chat with one of my fave mammas today and she has her kids doing real chores like vacuuming, emptying the dishwasher and other fancy stuff. Her kids are mostly YOUNGER than mine…what am I missing? Here at our house we fly by the EVER LOVING seat of our pants. I cannot keep track of who is doing what when and how often – I just can’t. My brain cannot hold that kind of information from day-to-day. I know, I know you all have your coveted advice to share with me…a chart is what I need, but I am writing this blog post about what is wrong with me instead. Way more fun than making a chore chart.
Exhibit B – As much as I love my sixth grade son, I can NOT for the LOVE of all that is HOLY find a way to grasp and delight in 30 + minutes of Minecraft discussions about Mods and Zombie Pigmen. Or how you tame a wolf or glide on unicorns with super powered horseshoes. I literally think thousands of thoughts in between his sentences. Why can I not focus on this information even when I try my hardest????
Exhibit C – There are moms that prep smoothies for breakfast and make sure that each kid has the right amount of protein and nutrients. All in the MORNING – BEFORE SCHOOL. Like no pop tarts or sugar-coated puffs of any kind.
There are whole families that go Paleo – seriously if you could see me right this second my mind just E-X-P-L-O-D-E-D! Me on the other hand, despite a desperate need to improve my own health, I caved at Costco yesterday and bought the three pack of Oreos. They had double fudge; seriously double fudge and we had made it halfway through a CRAZY Wednesday and we were all alive and laughing. I thought we must have these Oreos to remember this happy, successful moment. See, do you see the craziness of that logic, what the heck is wrong with me???? I care about my children’s health really I do, we eat fruits and vegetables and protein.
Exhibit D – Remember the Oreos from exhibit C? I know it was only one paragraph ago, but if you are like me when I listen to my son talk about Minecraft you may already be somewhere else in your head and think – what Oreos or I am hungry and I don’t know why.
But I digress, back to the Costco bought Oreos. They have a tab you can lift to open them and then you don’t have to tear the whole pack open – this is for you Paleo moms – my friends you have seen this tab and are very familiar with it; probably at my house, but still, humor me.
I spent 10 minutes today trying to lift the tab and failed miserably. I decided that because it was a special Costco three pack that maybe these packages did not actually open that way. Nabisco has just decided to save money on these packages and keep the same labeling but not really have the perforation that allowed the tab to lift up.
Who in the world thinks these things to justify not being able to open a package?! I do that’s who. What in the world????? So I open them the old fashioned way.
So my husband comes home and says, “Who opened these packages?” I explain to him that I had to open them that way because these were Costco Oreos and they don’t open the tab way. And he looks at me like I am sort of alien. Well I will show him! With every ounce of confidence I contain in my being, I let him know that they DO NOT in fact open the tab way because they are Costco three pack Oreos. As I demonstrate this fact to him, what happens? The tab lifts in one FREAKING try. I open that tab without even really looking at it!!! WHAT?! REALLY?!
Exhibit E – last one for today at least – 6 years ago, I could focus and plan and eat right and think real thoughts, and get myself dressed and I really felt like I was a functioning adult. Since the twins were born I do not feel like I am adulting (this means behaving like a grown up) very well at all. Getting dressed in regular clothes is hard – yoga pants and a t-shirt is so much easier. Trying to clean up messes as they get remade right behind you is hard. Talking about Barbie and Minecraft and Princesses and answering why questions about things you never even thought your own mind could think all day, is hard. But that is not all.
Even though I think I have it all under control, I am reminded that I am easily distracted. For example, I will start to empty the dishes hear a “mom” go look at what is going on, resolve said issue that caused the kidlet to summon me and then start folding laundry. An hour later I will go into the kitchen to make lunch and realize I left the dishwasher wide open and did not finish unloading the dishwasher! What is going on with my brain?
Something has gone haywire in what used to be a perfectly good human – me. I now have trouble remembering my own age, what we ate for dinner, what time gymnastics starts from week to week, if I ate breakfast, where my keys are, and how to open a simple package of Oreos.
This may not be resolved until my kids are older or maybe this is the new me – heaven help me, but I am honestly doing the absolute best I can each day. I am trying and I get up each day thinking maybe today my brain will function properly again and I will whip things back into order and harmony.
But if you are like me and you need a place to feel normal, text me I have Oreos and wine (or milk if you prefer) and I would love to hear from you.
Flying by the seat of my pants,
P.S. See they are all healthy and happy and LOVED to the moon and beyond and back again.