Yesterday explained

So now that I have about 30 minutes I would like to explain a bit about yesterday’s post; I am not really so exhausted or stressed about the end of the year school items – I used to be a teacher and I know that their end of the year is way more complicated on their side than the parent side of things or even the kid side of things so I really don’t mind the end of the year. (Plus I am an overachiever; I know get your groans out now), so I think you should work hard until the last second. (It’s okay at least I know I am an overachiever and how that sits with others).

What was really difficult about this week was the mommy guilt; I work full-time, as well as, being a full-time mama of four and sometimes the guilt is over-whelming. Working is something that I need to do in order for our family to live comfortably; without my income our whole lives would change. To put it simply like a good majority of the United States our family needs two incomes.

The thing that really frustrated me this past week is that both of my kids had big, exciting things happen at school and if I hadn’t been a watchful, read between the lines, involved with my kids kind of parent I would have missed them. My daughter’s class had a kindergarten graduation and literally all that was sent home about it was that there would be a kindergarten brunch. No mention of a ceremony or that the kids were performing songs. Luckily my daughter and I were talking and she told me how she had practiced songs at school and I asked her if I could come watch her and she said yes, that parents could come. Of course she finally tells me this the night before, so I rush out of the house today for the 40 minute window of her presentation between conference calls and emails and rearranging my day at a moments notice which was the right thing to do. However, when I get to the classroom all the stay at home/part-time working moms that spend at least one day a week helping in the classroom are there and they all have cameras, video recorders, etc. knowing full well what the next few minutes will contain and it hits me. They are there at least once a week so they were able to talk to the teacher, help plan and organize the days events while those of us that CAN’T help had no idea what was going on. That is what got to me the discrepancy that happens for working moms.

Any way, the kids sing their songs and then the teacher proceeds to hand out certificates to each child and give a little one minute speech about them. I was so infuriated for the other parents that didn’t know what the kindergarten brunch would look like, because like myself or my husband they work full-time out of the home and we weren’t told clearly what the day would entail; those parents weren’t there – not because they didn’t want to be I am sure, but because they couldn’t physically be there. Because with little, short, or no notice they couldn’t change their work schedules and in a neighborhood heavy with stay at home moms it is sometimes really hard for us working moms.

Then to top it off, it didn’t happen once – it happened twice. Wednesday night an email is sent by the teacher to the parents mentioning an awards ceremony for the 3rd grade the next day. I rack my brain did I miss this – did she send something about this before? No, not that I can see; so I email her asking if it is something the parents can attend. She simply replies yes. So I am torn – is my son going to get an award – should I drop everything and run or is it not a big deal. I of course, since I am rearranging everything to be at my daughter’s school for 40 minutes, decide to do the same for my son and thank goodness – the kid gets an outstanding achievement in Math, Science, Reading and Language Arts – he is only 1 of 3 kids in his class to get this award and I am thanking the heavens that I am there and didn’t miss it; but again – what about the other kids whose moms are like me and work full-time out of the home in addition to their mama duties and don’t have an understanding boss? I am sure there were a few that missed it and I just felt so frustrated for them because I think we are overlooked by teachers who are rushing their way to the end of the year – thinking they are doing their job by at least mentioning it to parents when most of us work outside the home parents need at least a week’s worth of notice to make sure we can take the time off to be at these events.

So that is why yesterday frustrated me about school – I didn’t like feeling that frustrated and upset and guilty because I don’t have the luxury of being a stay at home mom and days when that feels like it is a detriment to my kids; when in reality – I made it to both events even if that made my work day a bit more crazy – I was where I needed to be. But I still can’t help thinking about how lucky I am that I could do that at a moments notice and other moms that work 9-5 in a setting were they have to be present and they may not have been able to do the same thing I was able to do. I just felt for all those parents that weren’t there and probably would have wanted to be if they had only known with enough notice.

Plus to top it all off, this work week has been over the top crazy, busy. Most days I start working at 6 – taking a lunch break at 4:30-5:30 to take my kids to swim lessons and then back to throw together a quick dinner and then add in another hour of work before I tucked kids in bed and then literally pass out the minute I sat down only to wake up and do it again; all the while being interrupted by fire drills and not getting half the stuff I set out to on my to do list, so it has just been one of those crazy busy over the top weeks and that is why my coffee, sparkle, big girl panties are wearing thin, because Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday all went the same way and I am hoping that this weekend will be just enough to recuperate so I can do it all over again next week.

I didn’t have time to edit this – kids are awake and breakfasts, lunches, and the day needs to start – I know I am ranting and that isn’t my usual type of post, but I think I just needed to write it out and that helps me to let it all go and move forward. Thanks for listening and reading and I promise that the next few posts will be more up-beat.

-me