Another month has come and gone; I haven’t blogged in days and I am still having trouble cultivating viable content. As you know, in this blog I strive to be authentic and optimistic. Sometimes that is BEYOND difficult because if I am being authentic there are times that I am downright, well, un-optimistic. (it’s a new word I liked it better than all other options).
That has been my struggle with writing these past weeks – I am not in an overly optimistic place right now. The kiddos are fighting like crazy, my oldest procrastinated on a project that has us hijacked this weekend trying to finish it and my daughter is in friendships with girls that are mean to her and to top it all off the medication that my oldest is taking for his Tourette’s is helping, but it sucks the energy out of him. He has always been energetic and that is putting it mildly. It is so weird to have him want to take naps and move in slow motion; it is just odd to say the least.
With that said, I am trying to find the life lessons in all these things so that I can share with you what I learned this past month. I guess I can say I have learned that watching your children live their own lives is unbearably difficult at times because when they don’t pay attention to your guidance and make mistakes watching them fall down is awful. It’s like when you are watching sports and one of the players gets injured and the network just keeps showing the clip over and over again and you are helplessly mesmerized; watching the whole, awful incident repeat itself over and over and over.
That is a little like parenting – we are not only in the trenches guiding, shaping, hand holding, but we also have to let them go out on to the field all by themselves and we have to watch them take one hit after another.
There are great moments too of course, when our kids “score” so to speak, and the whole world gets to witness their success and you get that proud glow – the “yeah that’s my kid!” glow. But watching them take the hits and then having to painfully wait to see how they are going to stand up again is gut-wrenching. But that is what we do; we guide, we love, we teach, we support, and then we pray like crazy that everything we did helps them take the hit and stand up again.
I guess that isn’t really a lesson just an observation – parenting is hard PERIOD.
Also, if I am being authentic – I have learned that I am not good at listening to two two-year-old boys whine all day long. I seriously can’t figure out why they do that. I do not give in and that is what sucks all the energy out of me; dealing with hostile negotiations all day long is just taxing. The cherry on the tippy top of that sundae, is when the tantrums start. I have learned that I only have enough patience for one kicking, screaming two-year-old; unfortunately I run out of that patience just in time for the second two-year-old to start up. Maybe I need to take up meditation in addition to running, maybe that would help. I have been addicted to Pretty Little Liars on Netflix and have watched almost all of Season 1 in three days; oddly enough that has kind of helped. Zoning out, watching wealthy teenagers run from their dead friend’s secrets is refueling me; how I don’t know, but maybe bad TV lets our brains escape reality long enough to get the rest it needs. So I have learned it is okay to watch bad TV from time to time – vegging out is good.
Finally, there are just a few random thoughts on May:
Kids might be smarter than their parents, because as my daughter so nicely pointed out – they actually remember things. She has a point – we have more experience but I can’t remember what I came into the room for half the time and I always forget my point.
After growing up with three girls I cannot understand why boys wrestle so much – EVERYTHING is physical; it boggles my mind and makes me want to get a pedicure or talk about shoes.
May reminded me this parenting gig is hard, really hard; that patience has its limitations, bad TV can be good for you, and well somethings just won’t ever make sense no matter how hard you try to figure them out.